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By the time the date ended, I was pretty convinced that I am a captivating princess witch who can fly, and who should expect nothing less than this level of sensuality and romance. But today, I had that ‘cry in the car’ kind of day, and each of my friends and siblings have done their patient duty of listening to me prattle this already month, and now it’s your turn, dear readers. He serenaded me in candlelight, a song he’d written on his guitar. I love the way, during this single phase in my life, I am collecting so many experiences and memories as I date different men. I promise, I’ll get it out of my system so we can get back to interesting and fun things tomorrow.It’s a good thing that I have a choice over how I spend my time, and that I am lucky enough to have vacation time and good friends and family to plan things with. Then, I just started to feel like it was all pointless. Some kind of fluffy wildflowers along the path were sending seed puffs waving in the wind and flying up into the sun. The words came to my mind, “All we have is Presence,” meaning, the only thing that matters is right now. I’d love to take him on a bunch of weekend trips and a road trip out west. I’ll explain plenty more about him in future posts. Over text messages, I awkwardly informed him that he was a true rebound. On the other hand, I’ve always handled this kind of planning, and I don’t want to interact with the ex any more than I have to.What’s the point of having fun if families can break up, people get old and die, and everything can go to hell? The weather was just about exactly 80 degrees, with light streaks of clouds and no humidity. Suddenly the pressure to create the perfect experiences when Tim and I are together lightened, and I realized that the elegance of every little moment matters so much more. My experience on this walk made me want to just hang out with Tim, just let go of any idea that I need to be ultra-fun. I would love to read comments – have you had any good single mama adventures with your kids? Single mom, parents need care, and I’m still trying to achieve in my career, make a contribution to this world, and parent my pre-teen single. All you need to know for the purpose of this tale is, we first met when we randomly ran into each other twice in two weeks, and then we had one great date. On one fateful Friday, I knew I wanted to see Wild Animal Man again, so I texted to ask him for just that. I hastily decided to just call his dad and fill him in.I wore a cute bare-shouldered top, hair in beachy waves, and a glossy red lip. As Tim and I left, I did what I probably shouldn’t have; I glanced backto see if I was being seen. Had he gone through all of the same activities of MY dream date he and I had shared, but with her, the night before? Was I just a passive subject in his self-absorbed Adonis Show? On vacation with just Tim and I, I’m afraid I’m not enough; not interesting enough, not good enough at planning. I need to get some free time soon so we can hang out! We enjoyed each other’s company for a little while, then I had to go and pick up my son.As Tim and I were finishing our trendy plates, in saunters Adonis with a beautiful lady conspicuously dressed in the previous night’s date-dress. I almost turned into a pillar of salt; the lovely lady was gazing over her shoulder at me! I thought, jokingly in my mind, about how, later, I’d tease Adonis, saying that because I was just trying to be discreet, knowing Adonis would surely be jealous of my captivating date (Tim). And I can never make our family go back to what it used to be for Tim, and what if a vacation with me as the only adult is just no fun? There were some emojis, an illustrated laundry list of his work, and some flirty words included. But unfortunately, this was one of those annoying texting situations where it was hard to tell what the real meaning was. (Oh the joy of having wise women around you to interpret the cryptic man-text! I went from feeling closed off and hopeless that I’d ever date again to goofing around with a sexy man on a patio on a sunny June afternoon.Also, his name might seem like an insult, but I mean it in the very best of ways! My voice on the phone was fake polite, anxious, and over-compensating, with an edge of passive-aggressive anger. I filled in the ex about the plan I’d made, and asked what he’d been hoping to do with Tim for a birthday celebration.
In between dates, we have been practically strangers to each other. If we can’t talk intelligently about what’s going on in the world, forget it. I also have weeks of vacation saved up at work, and only need to make a plan in order to be on the road somewhere. But for some reason, I am having a terrible time committing to any particular plan for weekend trips or longer vacations. On the surface, it’s just indecision, but if I sit with my feelings a little bit I realize I’m feeling alone.
That quality certainly keeps my walls up, which is kinda just the way I want it right now. I decided it was time and told him about how we call him the Centaur. “I like it,” he said with a grin as the band started to play and we began to dance again. ‘Wild Animal Man’ came from another friend who exclaimed that he was a wild animal when I recounted to her how he’d curled up one weeknight right on my front porch and fell asleep, snoring like an bear, feet sticking eighteen inches off the porch furniture. I like it so much I almost want to trade out the name Molly Undercover for it! When The Centaur moves on, as I’m sure he will sooner or later, I’ve decided I get to keep this nickname. He’s an artist, poet and musician with a confident swagger, broad shoulders, and green-blue-brown eyes.
For example, he’s never, ever said “I like you a lot” or “I think you’re pretty.” This may seem like a bad thing—but bear with me! And then, I could swear I saw his chest puff just a little, he rocked back on his heels, and nodded. Adonis is a motorcycle-riding, vintage-car restoring pilot.
(In hindsight, red flag, obviously – be careful when somebody picks you up on the street! Actually, he was still living with his wife, the mother of his children, and she didn’t know he was out picking up ladies AND he’d just right then lied. I should have known by the way he scurried along the gutter. It almost seems like there is something about the Centaur that’s meant to get me SO flustered that I eventually give up, stop overthinking, and stop trying to control my reality. He asked me to hold off for a few more minutes because he was busy preening. His apartment is an old victorian place full of patina. He took some time to give me a tour and explain the science behind how tough it would be to crash the thing.
Another very cute guy, I met while out for a walk in my city neighborhood. Here’s why: actually after some questioning I learned he was not living alone. ‘Wild Animal Man’ aka, ‘The Centaur’ revealed that I’m not the only one giving pet names! Chocolate chip eyes, olive complexion, a mess of dark, long wild hair all over the place. I always get a little flustered when I see him and do weird stuff like spilling beer all over him, having awkward first dates with other men while sitting next to him the whole time, tripping over my feet like an idiot or accidentally sending him texts about himself meant for my besties. He said no, and I decided on something timeless, and not too restrictive, that I hoped would match the old Cessna: dark, flared, high-waisted jeans, a bright colored sleeveless top with a cute peter pan collar, and strappy red sandals. Maybe overly smooth, but Adonis has got game, I’ll give him that. I was touched that he’d share this part of his life with me.