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Cait wrote to me after she’d lost her beloved’s heart: “After three happy years with my first love, I ruined things by turning clingy, depressed and negative when we moved apart for grad school. And I’ve returned to being the independent, well-adjusted, optimistic woman I really am. I used to think women created jealousy from immaturity or mean-spiritedness. In studies, when women intentionally rouse the Green-Eyed Monster, revenge is rarely the motivator.
How do I ease the awkwardness between us, let him see I’m the woman he fell in love with, and win him back? But precisely because Cait tried so hard to hang onto Dan back then, it’s imperative that she do *nothing* to ease the tension now. If you think about it, if you’re a heterosexual woman, there aren’t too many effective ways to figure out whether you’re more interested than your guy is. David Buss notes that men tend not to stay attracted to women who ask straight out, “Do you really love me?
But Dan had never shown an inclination towards aggression.
Which is why I advised Cait on how to use jealousy: Date others, make sure Dan knows it, act less interested in Dan, and smile at, talk with, and flirt with other men in front of him.
Don't ask your friends to tell you everything they can because you can end up with a tainted view of what to expect.
Half the fun of going out is getting to know someone new, so allow yourself to let that happen organically." —Oliver B."Please don't compare us to your exes—out loud or even in your head.