Stages of grief dating
These feelings arise when we feel a sense of failure -- of not having fulfilled our own or our community's expectations.
In the case of divorce, people often feel guilt and/or shame because they have failed to stay married for life.
Fear and anxiety are common because of our hardwired "fight-or-flight" instinct.
Our bodies react to stresses (such as an angry phone call from a spouse) by using physical alarm mechanisms that haven't changed since our ancestors had to react instantly to avoid being eaten by saber-toothed tigers.
In addition, people feeling anxious and fearful may resist pressure to move forward and resolve divorce-related issues because of feeling unready, while their spouses may be impatient, seeing no reason why the divorce wasn't over months ago.
Bitter fights in the divorce courts often stem from differences such as these.
This is why it is so common in divorce for each partner to blame the other and why it can be so difficult for divorcing partners to accept responsibility for their own part in a failed marriage.Ending your marriage is not just a legal technicality; there are also the emotional stages of divorce to work through. The wide array of emotional states that many people experience during the early stages of the divorce process can diminish their capacity to think clearly, impair their judgment, and make rational decision making difficult or impossible. Although it's painful, grief is a healthy emotional response to the loss of an important relationship.While not everyone experiences them to the same degree, there are predictable emotions that need to be recognized and worked through, as outlined in the following article. We are hardwired to feel it, and it wouldn't be reasonable to expect otherwise.Strong feelings of guilt or shame can make it difficult or impossible to take in more balanced information, to maintain your perspective, and to consider realistically your best alternatives for how to resolve problems.Guilt can cause spouses to feel they have no right to ask for what they need in a divorce, causing them to negotiate unbalanced, unrealistic settlements they later regret.